Smart

"Smart" by Shel Silverstein

My dad gave me one dollar bill
'Cause I'm his smartest son,
And I swapped it for two shiny quarters
'Cause two is more than one!

and then I took the quarters
And traded them to Lou
For three dimes - I guess he didn't know
That three is more than two!

Just then, along came old blind Bates
And just 'cause he can't see
He gave me four nickels for my three dimes,
and four is more than three!

And I took the nickels to Hiram Coombs
Down at the seed-feed store,
And the fool gave me five pennies for them,
And five is more than four!

and then I went and showed my dad,
And he got red in the cheeks
And closed his eyes and shook his head-
Too proud of me to speak!

I was prompted to read this poem randomly. I had read it before but it's been a while and I needed to be refreshed. The author that prompted me to read it said it compares to our relationship with God. I didn't go on to ready why before I read the poem but once I read it knew where he was headed.

God desires for His people to have the very best when we seek Him with everything. He gives the very best because He is the ultimate creator.

The boy took a one dollar bill that his dad gave him and traded it for two quarters because, in his eyes, two are more than one. It continues until he has traded four nickels for five pennies. The boy didn't recognize the worth of the dollar but the quantity of the physical appearance. How well is that related to our relationship with God!

He gives us gifts out of His best that are worth so much but sometimes we dont' see that and "trade it" or go looking for something that is more pleasing to our eye. All along lessenign the worth and value and coming up short handed. That's what happens when we do things on our own - we come up short handed and trade in or miss out on the valuable figts He has for our lives.

I don't want to miss out on account of not trusting the worth of something.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

No More Christmas Music

Can I just say how glad I am that the 24/7 Christmas music is gone? I like Christmas music and all, but too much of it can make a person a little nutty.

Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire

This book has lit a fire under my prayer life over the past week. I needed it, my prayer life has been, well, dull. I forget just how important prayer is and how powerful it can be.

The author of Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire is the pastor of the Brooklyn Tabernacle, Jim Cymbala. He tells the story of how the church went from a struggling 20 member congregation to the 10,000 strong it is today. Their biggest contributor to the growth? Prayer.

Some of the things that have occurred in this church's life could have only been acts of God through the faithful prayer of His people. It has inspired me to see great things happen in my lifetime if I would just get on my knees and spend more time praying.

Cymbala also emphasizes the need for simplicity. He points out how far we have strayed from the simple approaches of the first church in Acts. They just preached the gospel and people responded - in the thousands at that. That doesn't go to say that we should not be going deeper with the gospel and all that God is, but when we begin talking about things that aren't made clear in the Bible we run the risk of false teaching. Cymbala states that where the Bible is silent, we should be silent as well.

This book has given me a new motivation and already moved me to go deeper with Christ, both in prayer and in action.

Be Near Me

I didn't write this but it's one of those songs that I wish I had because it conveys so accurately how I feel most of the time.

Be Near Me
Bethany Dillon

I follow all the rules/Well, at least I'm trying/Hoping when my days are through/You'll be pleased
I've lived the longest days/Thinking my heart was so bad/Too scared to look in your face/Oh, if only I had
And is it alright/If I stay here all night/By the shoreline
I cannot believe you are angry or unjust/You've done nothing but have compassion on us/So be near me when I've given up/Be near me
I'm just like everyone else/We are all hiding/Acting like I have a wealth/Of knowledge and peace
But all I've ever wanted/And what men have given their lives for/Is a God who understands my weaknesses/A God that I can love
I believe you are good and righteous/You've given me your reckless love/So be near, be near...

Church?

"You can tell how popular the church is by who is there on Sunday morning. You can tell how popular the pastor or evangelist is by who is there on Sunday night. But you can tell how popular Jesus is by who is at the prayer meeting." -Fresh Wind Fresh Fire

That statement holds so much truth it isn't even funny! When we get wrapped up in the image of the church and neglect Christ Himself we're in some deep trouble. Church without fear of God is just an empty building. Sure there are people there, but nothing is being accomplished, there's no praise, no worship, no forward movement.

If we attend church regularly but neglect God on our own then we really have yet to go anywhere in a relationship with Him. He can't bless us if we're not calling on Him for everything. He can't work on our behalf if we're not acknowledging His power and presence.

If we really want to have church we've got to look past the image and straight to the Source of power and Creator of the church. He is the one we should be waking up for on Sunday mornings (and every other morning for that matter). He is the one that should make us sing, even if the song has been done 10 times or we don't really like it. He is the one we should be learning from when it's 12:01 pm and the preacher seems like he still has 3 more points to get through. If we fail to see Him in light of it all then maybe we've not had church at all.

100 Greatest Songs of the 90's!

Seriously, I want to hug whoever began this idea at VH1! I might as well have gotten into a time machine and landed in middle school whenever I watch it, and for me that's a good thing! Not that I was so glamorous and popular in middle school, I was just as awkward as the next kid, but I had fun!

The 90's was just a good decade! Maybe I'm a little bias because it's the decade I grew up in, but the 00's just doesn't hold a candle to it. Nickelodeon will never be as good as it was in the 90's and neither will network sitcoms. I think pop culture still had a few inhibitions left and everyone was ok with just being who they were.

The countdown has gotten through 61 and MMMBop is yet to come...once again the world makes sense!

A Sound of Gentle Blowing

So I had a pretty sweet weekend. I must admit I'm exhausted today, but you can always catch up on sleep (or just drink a lot of coffee). God completely blew my mind this weekend. The circumstances that brought it about seemed small and trivial, but those are the best places for Him to work (1 King 19:10-12).

I saw God work in a way that only He could work and prove to me that I'm incapable of doing anything on my own but when I surrender to His ways and His will He is able to work things out so perfectly.

In a way it all comes back to Christmas. This year Christmas seems to be taking on a more personal and real appeal to me, and to people around me. When you really look at it and break it down, Christ surrendered His own will to His Father's and left the ultimate paradise to live a human life. Because of that surrender, my surrender is possible and when I surrender God is able to work out His perfect ways in my life that completely blow my mind and end up being better than I could imagine. Wow!

It's still a daily (sometimes hourly) battle and I know that it's one I can only win through Him.

P.S. Dennis Swanberg is a funny guy and tobyMac is amazing live!

The Mayonnaise Jar

When I was a child I was rather stubborn and disobedient. I wasn't a fan of doing the dishes or cleaning my room when I was told and I had a knack for doing things I wasn't supposed to do.

One occurrence that comes to mind in particular happened when I was about five years old. Somehow I got a hold of an empty mayonnaise jar and wanted to see what would happen if I threw it down against the cement. My answer: it broke. Somewhere in my five year old mind I knew that what I did wasn't a good thing so I decided to bury the broken pieces in the backyard to cover it up. Not too long after all of this happened my conscience caught up with me and I went to my mom in tears confessing what I did. My mom was more worried about the fact that I could have cut myself pretty bad, something that didn't even cross my mind.

My stubborn nature has since carried over into my relationship with God and can cause quite a struggle sometimes. I find myself wrestling with Him over the silliest things when I know He's right. He's always right. No matter how many times I try to argue and bargain with Him, He's right. There have been times when I've gone against what I know I should do and it blew up in my face. Then there are times when I've experienced great victory in this area through His strength and the confidence that He's always right.

No matter what the situation is it always feels the same. A disconnection, a break in communication, I don't feel like myself when I'm going against His will. It's a scary place. There's a wall up and I can feel the tension. Eventually it gets to me and I surrender, but it doesn't have to get to that. As a human I can't see past the word I'm typing, so why would I think that I can know what's best for me? I can't, but He can...and does.

God is more aware of the fact that we can cut ourselves with our broken pieces while we're busy burying our disobedience. He sees what we don't see (Isaiah 55:8) and that should cause us to simply trust, no matter what.

I miss this...

There are a few things I miss about college. I miss the schedule, the naps, the friends and days like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhfUcDUpjGA

It's happening!

I'm starting to slack off on my blogging. It always happens. It's like a toy at Christmas, you play with it non stop until the new wears off and then you're done. You put it away and more than likely the next time you see it it's on its way to the Salvation Army.

I guess nothing too exciting has happened recently and nothing deeply inspiring has hit me. And still I've really got nothing to write.

It's my birthday!

Not my day of birth, but my day of rebirth. The day I really started living. Two years ago today I realized my need for a Savior and saw Him there, offering love and forgiveness for every one of my sins.

It's so interesting to look back and see the events that led up to that night in my bedroom where Christ found me and met me right where I was. Years of going to church and being active, but never actually getting it. Years of poor choices that led me to emptiness and shame. Years of following the wrong advice and taking on the ways of the world. But all of that was wiped away and I was made new that night.

It's so amazing to see the true effects of the Holy Spirit and how God has gripped my heart over the past two years. He has used me in ways I never thought I would be able to be used and revealed so much about Himself to me.

I'm still a sinner and I still struggle with my flesh daily, but I know that God is strengthening me and giving me the power to win the battle everyday through Christ and what He did for me on the cross.

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." 2 Corinthians 5:17

Confession

As I sat here just a minute ago reading another blog my mind wandered to the one I wrote just an hour ago. As I wrote about the things I have coming up and that I'm excited about I failed to show gratitude to God for allowing these things to be in my life as blessings. How often does this happen? I know it happens to me more than I'd like to admit, but that's real life. I go through days sometimes without ever stopping to be thankful to God, the source of all my goodness.

I'm so glad He is patient with me on these days and doesn't automatically snatch those good things from me, even though there are times that I deserve just that. I get so caught up that I forget that I wouldn't have good friends or fun times without Him in my life because it all comes from Him.

Thank you God for what you have placed in my life and the things that you will place in my life in the future, good or bad I thank You for simply being in my life and rescuing me daily from myself! I'm sorry for the times I neglect to give You the praise you deserve!

I didn't realize

Wow, have I really not posted since Wednesday? Where did the weekend go? I don't really have anything productive to post about, but I do have some things coming up that I'm pretty excited about.

The first thing is the girls' weekend I'm having this weekend!! I'm going to Greenville to hang out with two of the best girlfriends on the planet! :) I haven't seen these girls in months, and it's about time we all took a break from life and had a fun weekend! I need to get out of Florence and hang out with some friends! I don't think it's quite hit me (even though it's been 7 months) that we're no longer in the same town, much less 2 minutes away, and we have to plan special time to hang out.

It's December!! That means it's actually Christmas time, although the stores seemed to think it started in September! I changed my ringtone the other day and the Christmas tree is up in our house! I love Christmas time! The only thing left to do now is pull out Snowed In (Hanson Christmas) and listen away!

Pauline and I spoke with English accents the other night in Wal-Mart, Roses and Chick-fil-A...it was a good time!

Phases

Hippies, Parachute pants, Mullets, New Kids On The Block, slap bracelets....

The phenomenon of humans known as phases. We all go through them. Some of my personal phases have included Barbies, Power Rangers, Dyed hair, thick make-up, Justing Timberlake and partying.

We all go through them. Some last for years and some for only days or weeks. The things is, they are grown out of. At some point in time we decide, whether consciously or subconsciously, that whatever it is is no longer a part of us. We no longer take part in that thing that we were so wrapped up in.

Some phases are good for us. They produce growth and maturity and help sculpt the person that we are. Other phases don't really seem to contribute much other that "what was I thinking."

Christ, however, is not a phase. God's love is not a phase. My love for Christ is not a phase. I will never get over it, I will not need to get over it because He will never not love me. My relationship with God has become my lifestyle. It has become who I am and what defines me. Other things have come and gone and will continue to come and go, but the love that I get from my God is with me forever. Whether I feel it or not, it's there. That's a truth I can hold on to when I don't feel like being good, when it seems my sin nature just wants to take over, when it really doesn't look like God's anywhere around me. I can remember that He's not a phase and He isn't going to pass.

Just Overwhelmed

My heart has been burdened. Need has gripped my soul and it's not letting go anytime soon.

In just the past week I have come across just how real poverty, slavery, hunger and other unfortunate circumstances are. Proverbs 31:8-9 says "Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of all the down-and-outers. Speak out for justice! Stand up for the poor and destitute!" (MSG). It's something I cannot ignore and it's something that is not just going to go away. It can be hard to think of these people as actual people like you and me because they are worlds away and often only images we've seen on television. But they are real people with real needs.

As cliche as it may be I wish I had the resources to help them all but that is just not possible. I do what I can and I think maybe that's where some people miss out. I know a lot of people stay on the sidelines because they just don't think they are capable. God asks us to do what we can with what He's given us. He is able to do the biggest thing with our smallest service. In America, 5-10 dollars doesn't really seem like it can help out that much, but when we give that to organizations in lesser fortunate countries, it can provide weeks worth of food, school, clothing, or anything else that is needed.

God is challenging me to get more involved in extending His love to those who are in difficult situations. Not only across the world, but next door as well. He is showing me that there are so many different ways to make a difference in the smallest forms, opportunities for Him to change the faces of need.

Hanson - doing something productive for society

I am so glad that my favorite band is doing more with their music than corrupting minds and topping the charts with empty meaningless lyrics. Hanson isn't really in the spotlight anymore, but they are making a difference nonetheless.

While working on their latest album the guys went to South Africa to record a children's choir for a couple of their songs. While they were there they saw the dire need for help in many of the areas. One need was for AIDS relief as well as poverty relief. As a result they decided to donate all the money from the download of "The Great Divide" off iTunes to HIVSA, a company that researches AIDS.

That wasn't where it ended though. During their recent tour the guys promoted TOMS shoes which donates a pair of shoes to kids in poverty for every pair sold. They conducted walks in each city to raise awareness of the need in South Africa, and all over the world for that matter. I participated in the walk in Charlotte and the guys spoke about how this generation has the capability to help instantly, but we're too wrapped up in the latest gossip and our own affairs.

Now they are in South Africa with TOMS giving out the shoes and became aware of yet another need. The school that lent their voices to Hanson's latest album is in a very bad state. They have limited space and are in need of supplies. Hanson has challenged not only their fans, but anyone willing to donate money by Sunday Nov. 25th for this school. Their goal is $10,000 and they have already reached $8,000. If you're interested in helping out you can go to http://www.abryanphoto.com/blog/ and get involved.

God is certainly using these guys to better His world and inspire others to do the same. I'm so thankful that they are willing to step out of the "norm" of mainstream music and be a positive influence. They are more concerned with putting out a quality product than getting something out quickly just to please the fat cats. They would rather tend to others needs than rack up platinum albums for their own glory.

MMMBop may have given them a stereotype image, but if people really took the time to see what they are up to now and listen to their music, they might be inspired and rediscover what real music sounds like.

Amazing Grace

So apparently I'm in to doing movie reviews! The DVD express machine at Bi-Lo has become a close friend of mine and if you haven't discovered it yet, check it out. $1.49 for one night rentals of new releases and other great movies! Blockbuster better watch it!

The latest movie that I rented was "Amazing Grace." It's the story of William Wilberforce's determination to pass a bill in the House of Commons in Great Britain that would abolish the slave trade. All based on the true story. Wilberforce's minister was John Newton, the writer of the hymn "Amazing Grace." Newton also joined forces with Wilberforce to promote his cause.

I'm a huge history nerd. I don't consider myself a buff because I can't always retain and recall what I learn, but I love learning and seeing history, so this movie was right up my alley. It's set in the late 18th and early 19th century Britain.

I wouldn't say this one is as much of a tear jerker like The Ultimate Gift was, but it's certainly inspirational and a great story of determination and victory for the greater good. I think I was speaking with a british accent for a while after watching it as well!

More Than Enough

I've felt the sting of loneliness lately. It's hard coming back to a town where you don't have much foundation anymore. It's in these time of loneliness that I forget that a mighty God loves me with all of His being and is more than enough to fill that loneliness - to satisfy those cravings for companionship.

I forget just how big and powerful God is - and yet He longs for an intimate relationship with me. Not just a casual acquaintance, but an intimate love relationship with the creator of the universe. My first love is the creator of the heavens and the earth. His beauty is visible everywhere. I can't see His face, but His presence is undeniable. His love for me is proved daily - starting from the moment I open my eyes. I can't do anything to thwart His love or make Him love me any less. He is always going to love me the same and I don't have to ever question that.

Anything and everything He does is a result of His love for me. Anything and everything I do should be a result of His love for me and my returned love for Him. I can't fully reciprocate love to Him the way He loves me, but He still loves me.

Pure, unconditional love.

Beautiful mercy.

Grace beyond measure.

Is it possible to be that accepted by the Definition Of Perfection? Who else do I need affirmation from when The Perfect One thinks this highly and loves me this much to rescue me from my sin and myself and then use me to further His kingdom? It really blows my mind when I break it down and just grows my love for Him.

I pray everyone can experience His love - it's for everyone! I pray He is enough in my loneliness - that I consider Him enough. And that I don't look to other people or things to fill that - only Him.

weekend!!! and Phil Wickham

I'm finally going to have a weekend with nothing to do!! That's really exciting for me because the past several weekends have been packed with activites (most of which required me to wake up at unheard of early hours! 5am last Saturday). I most certainly need to take the time to clean and get organized. Between work and busy weekends my area of the house has become quite the sight...or rather unsight! (??) Other than that I plan on sleeping late and possibly watching some good movies. It wouldn't hurt to go shopping a little either!

I've discovered another new musical love this week. As mentioned earlier I've become quite the Mainstay, Story Side:B and The Rocket Summer fan. This week I've discovered the lovely voice and music of Phil Wickham. I'm a little upset because he was in Columbia last night with David Crowder*Band and I wasn't able to go. I've heard several of his songs and nothing has disappointed me, so I'll be glad to buy his album when I get the chance and maybe he'll come around this way again sometime soon.

The Ultimate Gift

I watched a movie Monday night that was absolutely incredible. There aren't many of these movies around anymore. I admit the story line has been done, in more ways than one, but this one just captivated me.

The movie is called The Ultimate Gift. It's set in Charlotte, which gives it points already. It was neat to see familiar places throughout the movie. Basically this really rich guy dies and his rich money hungry family complains about the large sums of money and land they are left from his will. But he leaves his party boy grandson "the ultimate gift."

I really won't say much more than that because it would spoil it. But I cried. That's rare. I've only really cried at one other movie and that was The Passion of The Christ.

This is an independant film, so you might have to search for it a bit. I got it out of the machine at Bi-Lo ($1.49 for one night new release rentals). It will leave you inspired and thinking about your own "gifts" and priorities.

Just some thoughts (pt. 2)

I wanted to expand on what I wrote yesterday about things of this world. This could just be me but I felt I didn't come full circle with my discussion, so I'm taking the time to do that now.

I touched a bit on the entertainment that is available to us such as television, movies and music. None of those things are bad in and of themselves. It's ok to have a favorite TV show, I'm a huge fan of The Office and watch it every week when I can. It's ok to go see movies, I watched a great one last night (which I'll write about later) and do watch movies on a regular basis. It's ok to enjoy music, it's a big part of my life, both Christian and secular music. My argument is when we use these things to define us, to get other people to think well of us because of what we surround ourselves with. When these things become all we are, that's when it becomes a problem.

As mentioned before teenagers are not the only ones that struggle with these issues. As I start entering the "adult" world more and more I see that adults perhaps use things such as dress, money, possessions, etc. to gain a good reputation but are just better at covering up that that is what they are doing.

Anyways I think I'm starting to ramble a bit so I'll attempt to wrap this up. Basically when we look to other people to redeem us and tell us we're worth something, we're not truly living. Donald Miller addresses this in his book Searching for God Knows What. All too often we find ourselves searching for affirmation in humans when God is the one that defines us and gives us our worth. And we are all very worthy of love to Him. Maybe if we begin to shift our thought process to this, life would look a bit different.

Just Some Thoughts

Meaningless. Dead End. Unsatisfying. That pretty much describes what this world has to offer. When you break it down, what real, genuine satisfaction does television bring other than keeping us from boredom? What eternal impact does the latest movie or album have on us? What are we really filling our minds with? Do we want to dress a certain revealing way to attract someone that we don’t need to be messing with in the first place? Should we be so worried about what others think when they won’t even be at the gates of Heaven determining our eternal fate? So why then do we get so caught up in all of this?

Teenagers are not the only group of people that go through this kind of stuff. I’ve learned recently that adults deal with it as well, sometimes to an even greater extent. What are we doing in our lives that is bringing glory to Christ and pointing others to Him? The things that we enjoy are not necessarily bad things. It is not a sin to have enjoyments in this life. But are we using the things we enjoy to serve God and further His kingdom or are we doing them for the sake of our own pleasure?

This is a pretty tough bite to swallow – especially in my own life. I have plenty of things that I enjoy doing, but when I take a look at them I wonder where my service is – where is God being glorified? How can God be glorified more here? What do I need to be doing differently?

If you haven't read Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper I highly recommend it. He hits hard on issues just like this and gives strong scriptural answers for everything. Just a warning, though you need a bit of patience and willingness to read sentences a couple times over.

A light burden

How often do I feel burdened by obey God’s command? How often do I make them out to be more than they actually are? And how many times does God remind me that that’s not how it is supposed to be.

I was thumbing through my Bible a little bit ago looking for the “high priest” passage and came across something that caught my eye big time.

“For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome. For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world – our faith.” 1 John 5:3-4

Obeying God is how we show our love to Him. It’s really simple if we get ourselves out of the way. And really, life is a lot easier when we actually obey Him. He lays it out pretty clear all throughout the Bible what it is we are to obey, just take a look at the 10 commandments.

Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30 that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He takes the things that weigh us down and keep us from living in freedom upon Himself; He did that when He took the cross for us.

All God asks of us is to come to Him, come to Christ and lay down our own burdens and take up His yoke – let Him walk beside us and carry the weight that we are unable to carry. It’s not an obligation, it’s not a burden, it’s not even doing something that is taking time out of other things we could be doing. It is simply trusting Him to be at the center of our lives and living from that.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Today is my sister's birthday!!!

She's 24.

yeaaa. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHER!!!

Some excitement!

So there are some things in the coming days that have got me really excited...and some things have happened in the past couple of days that have me equally as excited! I'll backtrack first:

1. This weekend was absolutely amazing! God went extremely Ephesians 3:20 on me with FCA Middle School Retreat! My group of girls taught me so much and God worked in the lives of middle schoolers from all over the state. There's nothing like working together to bring the Gospel, and then see kids respond to it!

2. I still don't think I'm over how great the Hanson concert was in October!!

3. MuteMath rocked my face off as well...

Now to the future (Lord willing):

1. This weekend is going to be pretty fun!
- Sister Hazel concert Friday night with old friends that I haven't seen since graduation
- Clemson game Saturday! (Go Tigers!)
- Illusionists Jared Hall at FUEL on Sunday night. I've never really seen an illusionists in person, I'm interested to see what he does. Oh yea, and he's presenting theGospel...how can you not get excited about that?

2. um...well I think that's it.

3. Oh, I'm still deciding whether or not I should forfeit sleep and go to the Family Force 5 concert next Tuesday in Charlotte.

Oh and I've discovered some new music! Mainstay, Story Side:B and The Rocket Summer are three of my new favorites right now. Thank you AIR1!! (which is now my new favorite radio station!)

The desires of our hearts...

“Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart…” Psalm 37:4

Oh, how much I would love for that verse to read “serve the LORD and you will get what you want.” Instead it says “Delight yourself…” So what is the difference in the two? How can they sound so similar and yet mean two totally opposite things?

Serving the Lord and delighting in the Lord are often looked at as the same, but how many times have I been in a serving position with a junky attitude? How many youth mission trips (back when I was in youth group) have I been on that I went mainly to make new friends and really didn’t think much about the work I was doing, and didn’t do it with excellence? How many times have I worked with teenagers and thought they would never get it and what I was doing wasn’t making a lick of difference?? Well I can tell you that has happened quite often, more often than I like to admit. I have certainly served the LORD without delighting in Him before.

So delighting in Him, how does that look? Being glad in our serving positions, no matter how small or how trivial they may seem, we are the hands and feet of God and there is no such thing as a small position when it comes to furthering His kingdom. Looking past ourselves when we really don’t want to be where we are or around the people we are around; basically getting ourselves out of the way so that He can work through us.

When we are delighting in Him we look forward to what He might do in every situation. We joyfully come to Him and spend time with Him. The He will give us the desires of our hearts.

I’ve wrestled with this verse and tried to get it to mean that I’ll get what my flesh wants. But the actual meaning is so much more rewarding. When we find ourselves delighted in the LORD, His desires BECOME our desires. His will becomes what we long for, what we run after! His plans for us begin to overlap our plans and eventually they can become one! Resistance to His will might become less and obedience might come a bit easier…

A quiet soul...

“For thus the LORD GOD, the Holy One of Israel, has said, ‘In repentance and rest you will be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength…” Isaiah 30:15

A quiet soul: that’s what I’m longing for, that’s what I need from God. I need His assurance and strength to quiet my soul and rid me of anxieties about things that are out of my control to begin with. I need Him to constantly remind me of His sovereignty and perfect timing.

I wrote about this last night, but it’s worth writing again and exploring further. There are things in my future that I look forward to with excitement and open arms. But as I was reading a bit in Don’t Waste Your Life today a new thought hit me. The chapter I am on discusses money and possessions and it crossed my mind that I may have no future. As cliché as it is, today is all I have. So even though I have all of these desires and wonders about life down the road, I really have no idea that life down the road is going to occur at all.

So what am I doing now that is glorifying Him? I am constantly asking myself this. Am I too busy daydreaming about the future that could just be in my imagination or am I doing all I can to make Him known right now, in the time I’m assured because it is happening?

“…In quietness and trust is your strength…” That doesn’t say “in telling me what you want to happen is your strength,” or “in throwing tantrums because things aren’t going the way you dreamed them up to go is your strength.” God says “in quietness and trust” we find ourselves strong enough to live in the moment, strong enough to adapt when plans change and unexpected events occur.

A quiet soul…completely trusting my God for who He’s said He is and who He’s shown Himself to be…

…how beautifully pure.

Sorting out the chaos

Written on Nov. 1, 2007

I’ve had some internal randomness lately. The cause – I’m really not sure; could be a lot of things. I know I have not been spending enough time in the Word over the past week. Not real sure of the cause for that either; maybe no motivation, no direction? No excuse whatever the reason may be. I can’t really seem to concentrate on one thing and there’s really nothing that I’ve wanted to concentrate on.

I’ve found this new freedom in my relationship with Christ – one that is free from formulas and steps and just simply loves. Loves with liberty and loves with appreciation of even the smallest things that come from God. Seeing God at the center of everything has changed my perception of Him. Instead of trying so hard to keep Him first, keeping Him the center re-arranges all my other priorities and the way I see this life I’m living.

Seeing God in other people has changed the way I view my relationships. Instead of thinking I’m doing something wrong by talking to people I see the love that God has for me through them and enjoy the fellowship of learning about Him together. There should be no guilt in this life – convictions, but no guilt.

I’ve got that sense again that I’m on the brink of something huge. Usually when that happens it passes me as a whisper. Not because it turns out to be small, but because it is a natural part of the life God has planned for me. If it came at me like a rushing wind I might get blown away by the sheer idea of it and run. I’m aware of God’s presence in my life as He carries me through these huge plans He has for me. I have a strong stirring in my soul right now that He’s up to something great, and I’m honored to be a part of it. Being blown away by God Himself is truly a beautiful chaos.

A relational syndrome?

Written October 24, 2007

Why is it that girls have such a hard time letting go? Why do we feel the need to hold on to something until we have fixed whatever is wrong with it? We are not Christ, God did not send us to earth to redeem the lost and fix the broken. There are times that we just need to let go of what we think will get better and place them into God’s hands, hands that ARE capable of fixing what is broken.

Why do we feel the need to put up with what we don’t deserve? So many girls stay in dating relationships because they FEEL love for a guy that doesn’t even care enough to give them the respect they deserve. FEELING love and deciding to love are two different things and I’m pretty sure we’ve missed that difference.

The way we are wired can get off course if we don’t find our confidence in Christ. If we don’t experience the love of God we will never be satisfied in an earthly romance because we are using it to fulfill our desires for acceptance and confidence. A man cannot give this to us; our friends cannot give this to us. God alone gives this to us and blesses us with people to share in His love. I believe we’ve gotten in backwards.

What is really scary is that I see this trend happening younger and younger in girls. Self-esteem issues are beginning to occur in children and without the Holy Spirit being allowed to grip their lives with love, it could turn into years of a dead end pattern. Loving parents become crucial in this situation and are a child’s first experience of unconditional love. For the girls that grow up without loving parents or without parents at all, it is our responsibility as Christians to reach out, to demonstrate God’s love in our everyday lives. By allowing Christ to live through us and getting ourselves out of the way, more people can see that God IS real and His love DOES exist.
Maybe this is why Christ talks so much about us loving our neighbor, why John speaks so much about Christ’s call to love. Without genuine love from Christ and living it out, no one can see what Christ came to do; no one can see that God’s love is powerful. Before we can enjoy the fullness of earthly love, we must first allow the power of God’s love to consume us and fulfill us.