The Mayonnaise Jar

When I was a child I was rather stubborn and disobedient. I wasn't a fan of doing the dishes or cleaning my room when I was told and I had a knack for doing things I wasn't supposed to do.

One occurrence that comes to mind in particular happened when I was about five years old. Somehow I got a hold of an empty mayonnaise jar and wanted to see what would happen if I threw it down against the cement. My answer: it broke. Somewhere in my five year old mind I knew that what I did wasn't a good thing so I decided to bury the broken pieces in the backyard to cover it up. Not too long after all of this happened my conscience caught up with me and I went to my mom in tears confessing what I did. My mom was more worried about the fact that I could have cut myself pretty bad, something that didn't even cross my mind.

My stubborn nature has since carried over into my relationship with God and can cause quite a struggle sometimes. I find myself wrestling with Him over the silliest things when I know He's right. He's always right. No matter how many times I try to argue and bargain with Him, He's right. There have been times when I've gone against what I know I should do and it blew up in my face. Then there are times when I've experienced great victory in this area through His strength and the confidence that He's always right.

No matter what the situation is it always feels the same. A disconnection, a break in communication, I don't feel like myself when I'm going against His will. It's a scary place. There's a wall up and I can feel the tension. Eventually it gets to me and I surrender, but it doesn't have to get to that. As a human I can't see past the word I'm typing, so why would I think that I can know what's best for me? I can't, but He can...and does.

God is more aware of the fact that we can cut ourselves with our broken pieces while we're busy burying our disobedience. He sees what we don't see (Isaiah 55:8) and that should cause us to simply trust, no matter what.